Today I woke up feeling out of place. I felt like having a shower, I had not eaten in three days except for the odd bubble gum and fizzy drink. Despite all this I couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed. I stared at the ceiling for hours, thoughtful of my thoughtlessness, considering the inconsiderable and longing for the longing to achieve something.
Have I become stagnant or have I just come to the age where you realise there isn’t much to life but the same mundane pursuits. You want to live comfortably or lavishly without working too hard. You want to fall in love and have a sweet relationship with that cute other half without sacrificing any part of yourself.
Well guess what my lovely, it’s not happening. I earn more than I work yet I earn less than I want. I have become independent just like I wanted and YES it sucks. I hate when royal mail drops the bundle of letters through the pigeon hole because I dread seeing the bills. I hate when I have to work four nights in a row and can even be home to enjoy the comforts am paying for.
You see my pictures on facebook and you think dammit; I want to be where she is, everything looks good. Yes life is good but we pay a steep price for it. Now God willing I don’t know where I am going to be next year but I know where I am at the moment; working the night away.
Having had a mild ranting which I can’t even say whether I was been negative or positive I must affirm how happy I am to have concluded my masters irrespective of the fact that I wrote the last two chapters the night before I was to submit, my burst of adrenaline haven come a bit too late. I am impressed with myself for passing all courses even though I had to practically beg and insinuatingly threaten the academic institution for the last two marks to pass statistics. It wasn’t like I was going to do better if they made me do it again anyway.
Well that’s it for me this year probably. Wish you all the best in 2011. Have fun and lots of sex if you are not, there is no need to be prudish not that I will be taking my own advice. Remember in whatever situation you find yourself make the best of it. My twitter handle is “i_am_wendie”, if you want to follow my daily ramblings and cussing. See you when I see you.
