11/13/08

becoming a woman pt2-my first kiss

Many remember their first kiss with a shiver,feelings of nostalgia or disgust.. I remember mine with a shudder..5 yrs older than me,he shouldnt have taken advantage of my lack of exposure..i was seeking admission into the same school where he was studying medicine..he wasn't even fly or all that well-dressed considering that they were rolling in dough. He took me like a little sister and i saw him as a big brother..if only i had known(sorry this is beginning to sound morbid, but it was that bad). He was the most clueless,least handsome and richest of all the boys that used to roll in my estate(we don leave razz hood by then).
He had one cute mazda like this and we use to roll a little together..there wasn't much to see in town then..just hang a little here and there..drive here and there and den go back home..did i fail to mention that he stayed 3 houses away from me..Anyway we would drive into his house,pack the car and he ll secure the dogs so i could come down..at times i will go in and see a movie or just go home straight..
This fateful day,ti mo nwi, he buzzed me and told me to come over that he had something to discuss about my admission and sturvs..even though he knew naught about how i was handling my admission,i decided to go and hear what he might have to say,afterall he had been there for close to four years..when i got to his place,i chilled in the parlour as usual,(so u won't say wetin i go find for im room)..he came out from the shower i guess cos he had a towel around his neck and he was in his boxer short..which was a pretty normal sight to me,haven grown up with four senior brothers..
He sat next to me and was like "yeah you have to be quick about this admission so that we can be rolling together in school" I was like "Egbon tani mo tun fe roll pelu" meaning "Brother, who else do i want to roll with"..he was now like "fi yen le"(leave all that),je ko ye e pe mo feran e"(understand that i love you" . my mind just went blank with shock,it was as if my uncle or some old man was asking me out.
I guess my mouth snapped open cos the next thing i knew his saliva was all over the place..his tongue was in my mouth and he was practically brushing or should I say flossing my mouth..I had not kissed before so I didnt know what the ideal kiss should be like but I knew this was definitely off.slimey,salivery and tonguey..it lasted for barely 5 seconds before i regained my senses..5 seconds i could have picked a virus up or something..5 seconds any grand illusion of how romantic a first kiss should be was shattered..
I felt violated..
My lips had been disflowered by this ogre and it wasn't even an experience to savor but a nightmare.I was just 16yrs and I had no one to talk to been the only gal and the last child...my female cousin's were a bit of the fire and brimstone type and i didn't see any help coming from there..but they say "when a door closes a window opens"..what opened within that week wasn't just a window..it was a huge gate opening..but thats another part you know..anyhoo i got out of that house as fast as my legs could take me..i did give him another chance to redeem himself in my 2nd year but i realised "his leopard never change skin" it was still a shower and flossing kiss..and me i no fit date person wey no fit kiss so i started avoiding him since then..we still see on the street once in a while but its always 'hello' 'hi'
..but till this day i still shudder at the horror of that kiss.

11/9/08

Becoming a woman pt1- A series of my quests and adventures

"D way to a man's heart is through his stomach!" I can still hear my Gran squeaking into my Aunt's ears. "yeah right" Like we don't know better..The way to a man's heart is through his manhood...
I grew up looking much like a washboard so I came into my sexuality pretty late. For long, I had actually thought I had a thing for girls like me. I went to an all-girls boarding school and for some reasons, the girls thought i looked like a boy and treated me as such. I was always fun and humuorous so they all wanted to chill with me..My corner was always filled like crazy, i never worried about what to eat cos the seniors took care of me, i didnt quit understand what drew people to me..even now i still can't fathom.
Now when I look back am always amazed,amused and grateful for my naivete..amazed i could have been so blind, amused at all the antics back then and grateful because if I had known better I may have sinned..the seniors must have known i didnt know jack cos they left me out of all the crazy things that used to go on back then in the boarding house.. I knew next to nothing about guys, sex and the female anatomy. Growing up in a razz neighbourhood, i remember we used to poke our fore-finger into our fist to indicate the sexual act. I knew what the d*** was and I knew I had a P****. I knew they were supposed to go into each other and as far as I was concerned that was about it.How little did I know.The breast to me,wasn't even part of the whole game and kissing was a concept I had gleaned from the romance novels I had breathed in. Anything else was hear-say.
The first petals of desire began to unfurl in me the first time I was playing with my brother's friend.It was rough play.I was 13 and he was 14 and both of us weren't much to write home about in timesof physical development.. I didn't have pimples but he had to show you how bad he must have looked then. "give me my novel or i ll grab your ****" i shouted at him: "I dare you" he shouted right back.. I grabbed, he grabbed and we both went hard. My n****, his ****. I felt a little dampness between my legs and I though "what in heavens just happened".. It wasn't a deliberate thing because he looked as shocked as I felt. We removed our hands from each other, he gave me back my novel and left immediately..that was the first and last time i a guy will ever touch me and leave just like that.
For a very long time after that,say for four years,I kept to myself and seriously became aware of a lot of things. I read vicariously and now all the mills and boons I had been reading started to make a lot of sense.It gave me more of a worldly look than i was entitled to.I became brash and outspoken and the quiet 'me' never resurfaced. I would gather girls around me and i wil give them a lecture on what to expect. To them I was a veritable fountain of information, even though I knew I wasn't going near all that shit for a very long time, I would exaggerate the pains of been deflowered and play down on the sexual fulfillment they claimed came after. I covered my fear of sex with a loud mouthed discourse on everything raw and dirty. If there was an argument or disagreement over something remotely sex related,I was the lady with the answers...to be continued