I totally forgot i had a blog..myyyy..aaw sorry blog n blogville..You would think having a consistent and up-in-your-face internet service will remind me of the joys of posting* and reading comments from other users of blogville.
My fellow blog-villains.. How is it going?
please holla at me to let me know if you have forgotten me(lol).
Thank you doll for checking up on me..na acada...i have totally marshed line. From B.A English to Business and Management, i have overstepped my boundary.
It was with dismay, that I woke up this morning to the passing on of a legend..King of PoP..Micheal 'Birthday Mate' Jackson..he was a controversial figure to say the least but his music was an inspiration and his dance steps a fashion trend..I daresay God is making some harsh judgements right now..but the guy for chill small make we go auto lounge together on our birthday... In my own way..rest easy black n white..I will pop a bottle of champagne for you on august 29 and maybe moonwalk a little to commemorate a day we shared but never shared..
Today been the last day in the month of May..for no reason I decided to have fun..
D month has really been hectic and it wasn't easy at all..I was at our country home and a couple of my friends were at home too..meet PINKY and DREADY(yeah dats wat dey really are)..one has ultra pink lips and d other has locks even I can't seem to decipher whether she was born with it or got it..whichever it really fits her..
PINKY's dad was doing his birthday/retirement party and i drove down with DREADY to there own country side..it was fun cos DREADY was fighting with her bobo and she kept on urging me to overtake him but I didnt keeping in mind "Jan3rd"..
D party was cool right, but my gist starts from after..we left PINKY.
I and DREADY decided to hang out at a popular hotel close to home..we got there..had to escape the catcalls of some irritating caucasians and then endure the sight of some chunky human specimen waddling in the pool just to chill at the poolside..
There were three chics dere who caught my interest..One was in the pool without a proper bikini which my friend commented on..i laughed but not loudly cos it was kinda obvious and I didnt want to look like a snob..Another one was downing a bottle of Udeme. Green toe paints that matched nothing on her.The third was wearing an evening gown and had a black eye..yes.. a black eye..my friend was shocked..
Obviously, it was time to leave before we get mistaken for their class..bone snobbery..am not hanging like dat..unfortunately, green paint and evening gown had gotten ahead of us..
As i drove out of the premises, they both raised their hands soliciting for a ride,i braked sharply and reversed..DREADY was like "are u mad?"I said "babe,I wan know wetin bash dat gal for eye"..
Gbam Gbam, they entered the back.. gosh d smell was horrible, I couldn't even begin a conversation..I increased the music and told them where i was going to drop them...
DREADY asked my why again..and dat was when it happened..Evening gown squeezed into the middle and asked my friend why she didnt want me to drop them at home and she caressed DREADY's arm..DREADY shook her hand off and it landed on my mine.my esteemed right hand..i almost lost my grip on the steering..
I was repulsed..that over bleached hand on mine..i shook it off too and accelerated..she and green paint passed a look that I saw in the mirror..i screeched to a stop..
PLease get down, am not taking you further than this..Green paint got down, but Evening gown lingered..she looked me in the eye and said.."Aren't you going to take my number"..I cringed.
NO, NOW GET OUT!
DREADY immediately started swearing which was unlike her..i turned around and drove home..i couldn't get into the shower fast enough..for the first time i shared a shower with my friend cos nobody could wait for the other..i had broken out in goose bumps..i was repulsed..i scrubbed my arm raw..when i was thru i went to PINKY's house and related the story to her..she listened quietly and at the end shouted..
Aah, E gbe ASHEWO..(trans: you carried prostitutes).
In d present condition i am. i couldn't help but scroll through my phone book. thinking of who could be my booty call if things got too bad. and then i remembered. oh my weepy baby. from when i met him some years ago. the only problem i had with him was the fact that he could outcry me. d first day we met: he cried d first day we kissed:he wailed d first day he climaxed:he sobbed any thing apart from that he had my pass mark.
The location is just convenient. as he stays in my neighborhood. its not as if he is charismatic. or that i can take him home. but he could suck a storm up. and after i had tutored him. he doesn't kiss so much with his saliva. i knew if it got too bad, i could always count on him. to give me anyway i wanted. cos he has a listening ear. and a fondness for doing it the way i wanted.
So i picked my phone. fortunately his numbers were still there. i mashed the green button down. and it almost became a video call. i cautioned my voice. you must not sound horny. hello. he said. and this judas down there. went into over drive. i mean gear1 straight to 5. hi. nee. how are you doing? i said. Oh baby. he replied. have been good. but you were wrong not to call me back.
So when next are you going to be around.i asked. I will check you up tomorrow. and my judas screamed for joy. i wonder if getting a head is not going to ruin my celibacy. OR IS IT?. I should be able to give him one too. SHOULDN'T I?. but then he went into a realm i dint expect. Parrot, u know i love you.
i know its been a long time since i blogged but seriously i need help. i know my mother did not raise me up to start acting like dis. evrytime i walk past a fine dude. i cant help but sigh. i scope his torso and butt. am a sucker for a tight bum anyday. but what gives me concern is dat. now i go as far as checking out d crotch size. Am so horny nowadays i can't think straight. Every romance novel i read leaves me hungry. every love scene a lesson in wetness. i just hope its a phase that passes. because if i act on what my coochie is telling me. am going to fuck myself blind. my mother spent too long giving me talks. and have kept myself for too long to sucumb. but for now. am dealing with my groin-searching eyes. and spending more time in church. saying dear Lord please wipe all fine boys. from my vicinity and give my pussy the grace. to know when to breathe. and when to clench.
even though you have not asked I am hale and hearty and still searching for a guy that can bring my emotions under control...dats a roundabout way of saying I was alone on vals day..terrific..now i have nothing to write except to lament my single state... The truth is i have met two terrific guys..One is yoruba and the other Edo..long nd short..they are different in evry way.. *complexion *finances *height *ambition *charisma One cries the other doesnt and you know how much i hate tears in a man but he is so cute .. One is my tender age and the other matured..and ladies you know the age mate boyfriend is never ready when you are to go to the next level..but the one my age is my tribe and that counts for a lot because my parents are tribalists and will not allow me to marry outside my tribe.. I call one silentnight and the other endurance(for what he suffered in the hands of his ex-gal) Holla at me if you think i have just reason to be concerned about tribal differences..i have already lost husband-material cos he is igbo and when i mentioned it to my father jokingly he almost had a heart attack..
"Avoid your first accident, it may be your last" is a favorite quote of my dad when he started teaching me how to drive. I had been on the wheels since 2001 and managed to drive the express and conquer lagos hazardous driving but nothing prepared me for what happened to me on january 3rd 2009.. Maybe i have gone lax and overconfident,yeah i know have always had a problem slowing down,preferring to go fast where and when i could but this day i wasn't going fast because for some reason my alignment was off and my car had the shakes..Maybe if I had spent more than five minutes on my knees in church on new year eve i might have seen what would come alas i spent a few hours prior to 2009 hanging out with friends and downing regular shots of Amarula,..it was the increment in the intensity of the bangers that alerted us to the fact that the coming year was around the corner and off we dashed to make our last 10 minutes count..5 of which was spent asking for forgiveness for the revelry to come in the morning after... Anyway, back to my gist, My friend just called me out of the blues that she was passing through my town and she had to see me..Dis is my home gal that i had not seen since we left school and i thot whao i gast to see this girl..so i abandoned my mother in the kitchen,ran to my room and threw my 'drop dead gorgeous' shirt on and of course tha accompanying blings (if only..) I grabbed my keys and barely spared a second to tell my mum where i was going..if i had taken a minute more maybe..Anyway i zoomed out and faced the express thinking to bypass the traffic in the metropolis..When i attained my gear five i realised the car was shaking,i managed to overtake the car in front of me and then controlled the car, i was paying attention to the road,oncoming traffic and getting back to gear four when the bike in front of me decided to turn around..in a blink of eye..G*B*A*M.. "Jesus" "Jesus" "Jesus" that was all i could scream out..i had hit him with the left side of my car and he went flying across the road,his bike scattered and he was lying down with his bleeding..the oncoming vehicle had to swerve to my side to avoid crushing him..i parked immediately and the other man got out of his vehicle too..in a jiffy they had gathered.passers by,commuters and other bike-men..i was scared i was going to be lynched..The first three things that came to my mind was: 1.My parents will never believe I wasn't speeding when it happened 2.Could i bear it if I had killed a man 3.Oh shit, a dent on my bonnet They carried him to the side of my car and put him on the floor,i opened my front door and told them to put him in that i was going to take him to the hospital,but the man refused and told me to take him to A division that he is a police officer..in my mind i thought shit..now i have to call my big guns..but i thot let me get this guy to the hospital first..tat head was bleeding some.. On my drive to the hospital,i realised 3 things again 1.He was seriously drunk and trying to sleep,which could be a sign of concussion 2.My car is just slightly bruised and am not even shaking 3.He had no helmet on,if he had there would have been no injury.. All well and good,immediately i got to the hospital,he was taken to the emergency room and examined by the doctors,the first question they asked him was that "Were you wearing a helmet?" he said "no" they told me to get him a card and pay so so so amount..(my faaji money)and that i could go..i paid the bills but by then I had called my parents who then called my uncle from SSS to handle the situation since he said he was a police officer..to cut it short..when my uncle came i went home and the rest was hearsay..my uncle said after they stitched his head, he told him he was SSS and asked the bike man for his police I.D and what division he belonged to? No answer..When my uncle went to get a doctor's report saying he had no helmet on and was drunk when brought him, he went back to the emergency room but couldn't find the bike man again. P.S- Be careful when driving this year. They will be riding anyhow trying to escape the F.R.S.C cos of the helmet law. Mine may have absconded, yours may become a liability to you...but you can bet am going a lot less faster than before.thank you for your concern..i wasn't mobbed and am happy i dint lose my bling..my mum won't let me touch her car though in the interim while mine is at the panel beaters,but i swear he didnt point or wave his hand,he just swerved...
Writer's block or should i say bloggers block..since i have nothing to write..yeah life has been that boring..i will say.. Musco Chari Buttercup Doll parakeet Abuja maiden Solomonsydelle mizchif danny bagucci parrot sef Happy new year..Bawo ni everybody..sha'lafia le wa