10/3/08

%Types of Men on Lagos Street..

At 11:30pm, after taking a can of POWER HORSE that I stole from under my brother's bed(not a creative hiding place is it?), I find i couldn't sleep and nothing will calm me but a spot of writing..what is there to write? About dumb relationships..guys you shouldn't even have given your number or the good ones you let go away..In my 23 years, I have seen a lot and I may not have much experience or stories to tell but I am a good listener..I especially have a friend who loves to talk about hers' and other people's relationships and sex life especially when she is a little tipsy or exceptionally drunk..In all this I have come to my own conclusion of a few of the type of guys that exist now in the streets..signify if you see your ex or boyfriend here oh and to the guys if you find yourself on this list..

1.Weepy and emotional-he is the type that thanks you for the kisses or the sex,whichever the case maybe..he doesn't ever blame himself for any problem in the relationship..he always claims not to have much experience and you can make him a better person..But even after 3 years, he still crying when it suits him..either after a climax or when accused of something.His dreams are always lofty for you,we ll travel, buy you a good car, get you a swell job so you can have some pocket change..but months after you are still asking him to help you pass your cv round..he has the connections but who is he gonna cry on when you get all busy and shit,so you can be sure that job is not forthcoming.

2.The guy from the club-maybe its just me, but have never heard anything good from couples who hooked up in the club..you lady are dressed up in your fine skimpy skirt or bumshot as it suits you..with your-barely-covering-shit-top and your excessive makeup as if anyone can really see it under that horrible disco light..anyway this guy dressed to the nine,walks up to you asks you for a dance, offers you a drink and then you are all over him in the spirit of the song..songs like "pretty pussy","lick it ****" you know those type of songs that have you going down and packing it back up with your behind..you have got the guy against the wall having a taste of what he hasn't paid for..and when he offers to take you home you don't mind..he drops you off gets your number and you think whao!!he may be the one..hmm if your daylight look doesn't scare him and he comes back, he is only there to finish what you started..

3.The ones with the cars-no gal i repeat no lady..fine in her own right has not had a car stop beside her with the same pickup line
Dude:- " where are you heading towards?"
Fine gal:- "just down the road"
Dude:- "Can I drop you?"
Fine gal:- (gradually walking) "no thanks, am really not going far"
Dude:- "but I can drop you"
Fine gal:- "Am sure you are busy,not to worry"
Dude:- (wheedling) "but a fine gal like you should not be walking under this sun/rain"
Fine gal:-(yeah right) "Hmm" But no thanks
Dude:-(sighs)"Can I have your number then, I am Alaigboran, Ceo of Alaigbaran and Sons limited"
Fine gal:-(with phone in plain sight)"I just lost my set"
Dude:- "but!!"
Fine gal:-(scathing look and moving faster now)
Dude:- "ok! ok!!..here is my complimentary card,you can get me on any of my four numbers.
Fine gal:-(flings into her bag without a second look) "Sure"
Dude:- "Are you sure I can't drop you?"
Fine gal:- "Don't you get? What part don't you get? Am okay, you are embarassing me and yourself"
Dude:- "Alright alright, don't shout, am going, bye.make sure you call me"
(Drives off, but stops shortly in front to help a lady in tight jeans get to her destination:afterall its his civic duty to see that ladies don't get burnt by the sun or beaten by the rain..he is not daunted by your refusal)
Need I say more?.Warning:Be careful what ride you accept, the tales one hears now are blood curdling, especially all those guys that are desperate to make money...if you are a chronic free rider..only go for old men who you can at least drag the steering with..just saying..I have a friend in UniLag who has never raised her hand up and brought it down without a car screeching to a halt..But that's a story for anoda time..

4.The Banker or the office guys- Am busy throughout the week, this work is killing me, I have no time for myself...these are few complaints you get from them..Its a known fact that bankers are womanisers, where they get the time is what bothers me..I had a married man who was asking me out..he worked in a bank and had a loving wife and two kids..but he still managed to drive down from island to see me whenever i beckoned..If not for the fear of God and my future marriage..I would have taken his wife's number and let her know how useless he is..Another banker-toaster was so busy he only had time to see me on saturday, but that was if I could come to his friends' flat..what happened to even wining and dining? What happened to his own crib? When did relationship become all about Wham Bam..hello..bam bam.gtg..nah I would rather the self employed..I heard bankers are stingy anyways.hmmm.

5.The Smoker- this particular one is a friend's tale to tell..when she met him, he was the most irritating person she had ever seen..he chained smoke and took a wrap of weed once in a while..he was black and short on good looks..Today they are the closest couple have seen around..under all that smoke was a shy, sensitive and cool guy who really couldnt say much around ladies..but since he managed to stammer his way into her heart,a pack a day became too much..Whoever said "never judge a book by its cover" was obviously his mother.

15 comments:

Aphrodite said...

Really love ur blog. Where have I been all this while?
I guess my O falls into always busy banker types,lol...

Off to read all ur previous posts.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

About the guy in the car, it reminds me of my young cousin. She has always been beautiful. When she was 15, she was walking down Adeola Odekun in V/I when all of a sudden we heard tires screech and a car hit another in front of it.

The driver jumped out and started shouting at my cousin that fine girls like her should not be walking the street, since she caused the accident. lol! can you imagine the idiot. They cursed him well, well that day. Even some Mallams wanted to beat him self.

Anyway, nice post. Thanks for making me remember that hilarious day.

tobenna said...

This made for a hilarious read.
Interesting to hear us being classified like this.
Right now, I'm not sure which category I fall under.
Infact, I dont want to know.

your blog, I like!

musco said...

abeg where u get all this experience from?

ur classifications may not be totally right!

tite post!

Chari said...

LMAO...NICE ONE O...eiye aiyekooto mi! [my parrot!]

but there are gray areas o and all the bases are not fully covered...what about Dream guys like me?

Parrot said...

@aphrodite^ i guess u ve been really busy handling your busy love life..Welcome to my blog..and u can be sure "O" is a rare example of the banker type.

@solomonsydelle$ can you imagine the cheek of the guuy=but he was actually giving ur cousin a backhanded compliment.thaks for stopping by.

@tobenna* thanks for d comment but watch out for the sequel,i will be sue to feature ur archetype.

@musco% you dare question "parrot"'s experience..shuo..you go find ur own type soon.

@Chari..ehen tani n paro fun eh...who has given u an impression like dat...dere is no dream guy...have u 4gotten d 20% aphrodite said your partner may not have..abeg indicate ur category jo..

QMoney said...

hahahahaha,funny.arent there more categories?d ones dat remembr to call u only after u were calling and stuff?lol

Parrot said...

@qmoney--you bet the other categories are coming..for this lagos eye don see plenty

doll said...

@ Weepy and emotional-I cant stand this guy
@ The guy from the club- LOL
@The ones with the cars- the days before I bought a car, I had many of these. I’v entered trouble because of these type of men.
@The Banker or the office guys- Well while I agree that ost of them are useless, now that I am working I hesitate to damn them straight to hell, am beginning to believe the I am really busy story cuz work could be a bitch sometimes. Take it from me
@The Smoker- wont work for me

This cant be a complete analysis of all the men out there cuz I don’t see my boo under any

Abujamaiden said...

Lol! The bankers even the I.Ts at banks or will use their suit to try to get to you. Why is ur blog 'adult material' I feel so badwhen I click 'continue.'

Lol!

check out my life as a virgin diary-blog

temi said...

lol!witty analogy there..
a friend of mine met her hubby @ the club tho..so i guess "never say never"...and a strong but sensitive guy is a trip for me but weepy & emotional??????


temiloluwa

Parrot said...

@doll-watch out for the sequel..but ur bobo may be part of the good ones and am not ready to touch on dat yet

@abujamaiden-so you sef notice that "suit" thing ma sister..d adult thing was because of my previous post..ll def stop by you

@temi-try weepy and you will swear off guys..dis is from personal experience..tanks 4 stopping by..

Buttercup said...

LOL..interestin..

I've been with the smoker..no, he wasnt shy at all, what u saw was what u got..i regret datin him to this day..one of the foolish phases of my life, i guess..

Parrot said...

@buttercup..sure you will not do that again..i bet every lady has been down that lane

Danny Bagucci said...

Hmmm .. where do the nerds fall into here.. Not seen any ctaegory that covers that... Nerdy would be the brilliant, google wearing, english speaking, book worm - no clubbing, no drinking, no smoking guy? Would like to see an update of this tho...