At 11:30pm, after taking a can of POWER HORSE that I stole from under my brother's bed(not a creative hiding place is it?), I find i couldn't sleep and nothing will calm me but a spot of writing..what is there to write? About dumb relationships..guys you shouldn't even have given your number or the good ones you let go away..In my 23 years, I have seen a lot and I may not have much experience or stories to tell but I am a good listener..I especially have a friend who loves to talk about hers' and other people's relationships and sex life especially when she is a little tipsy or exceptionally drunk..In all this I have come to my own conclusion of a few of the type of guys that exist now in the streets..signify if you see your ex or boyfriend here oh and to the guys if you find yourself on this list..
1.Weepy and emotional-he is the type that thanks you for the kisses or the sex,whichever the case maybe..he doesn't ever blame himself for any problem in the relationship..he always claims not to have much experience and you can make him a better person..But even after 3 years, he still crying when it suits him..either after a climax or when accused of something.His dreams are always lofty for you,we ll travel, buy you a good car, get you a swell job so you can have some pocket change..but months after you are still asking him to help you pass your cv round..he has the connections but who is he gonna cry on when you get all busy and shit,so you can be sure that job is not forthcoming.
2.The guy from the club-maybe its just me, but have never heard anything good from couples who hooked up in the club..you lady are dressed up in your fine skimpy skirt or bumshot as it suits you..with your-barely-covering-shit-top and your excessive makeup as if anyone can really see it under that horrible disco light..anyway this guy dressed to the nine,walks up to you asks you for a dance, offers you a drink and then you are all over him in the spirit of the song..songs like "pretty pussy","lick it ****" you know those type of songs that have you going down and packing it back up with your behind..you have got the guy against the wall having a taste of what he hasn't paid for..and when he offers to take you home you don't mind..he drops you off gets your number and you think whao!!he may be the one..hmm if your daylight look doesn't scare him and he comes back, he is only there to finish what you started..
3.The ones with the cars-no gal i repeat no lady..fine in her own right has not had a car stop beside her with the same pickup line
Dude:- " where are you heading towards?"
Fine gal:- "just down the road"
Dude:- "Can I drop you?"
Fine gal:- (gradually walking) "no thanks, am really not going far"
Dude:- "but I can drop you"
Fine gal:- "Am sure you are busy,not to worry"
Dude:- (wheedling) "but a fine gal like you should not be walking under this sun/rain"
Fine gal:-(yeah right) "Hmm" But no thanks
Dude:-(sighs)"Can I have your number then, I am Alaigboran, Ceo of Alaigbaran and Sons limited"
Fine gal:-(with phone in plain sight)"I just lost my set"
Fine gal:-(scathing look and moving faster now)
Dude:- "ok! ok!!..here is my complimentary card,you can get me on any of my four numbers.
Fine gal:-(flings into her bag without a second look) "Sure"
Dude:- "Are you sure I can't drop you?"
Fine gal:- "Don't you get? What part don't you get? Am okay, you are embarassing me and yourself"
Dude:- "Alright alright, don't shout, am going, bye.make sure you call me"
(Drives off, but stops shortly in front to help a lady in tight jeans get to her destination:afterall its his civic duty to see that ladies don't get burnt by the sun or beaten by the rain..he is not daunted by your refusal)
Need I say more?.Warning:Be careful what ride you accept, the tales one hears now are blood curdling, especially all those guys that are desperate to make money...if you are a chronic free rider..only go for old men who you can at least drag the steering with..just saying..I have a friend in UniLag who has never raised her hand up and brought it down without a car screeching to a halt..But that's a story for anoda time..
4.The Banker or the office guys- Am busy throughout the week, this work is killing me, I have no time for myself...these are few complaints you get from them..Its a known fact that bankers are womanisers, where they get the time is what bothers me..I had a married man who was asking me out..he worked in a bank and had a loving wife and two kids..but he still managed to drive down from island to see me whenever i beckoned..If not for the fear of God and my future marriage..I would have taken his wife's number and let her know how useless he is..Another banker-toaster was so busy he only had time to see me on saturday, but that was if I could come to his friends' flat..what happened to even wining and dining? What happened to his own crib? When did relationship become all about Wham Bam..hello..bam bam.gtg..nah I would rather the self employed..I heard bankers are stingy anyways.hmmm.
5.The Smoker- this particular one is a friend's tale to tell..when she met him, he was the most irritating person she had ever seen..he chained smoke and took a wrap of weed once in a while..he was black and short on good looks..Today they are the closest couple have seen around..under all that smoke was a shy, sensitive and cool guy who really couldnt say much around ladies..but since he managed to stammer his way into her heart,a pack a day became too much..Whoever said "never judge a book by its cover" was obviously his mother.
Finding love in the least likely place (Part Two) - Can’t say it was love at first sight because we have been working at the same organization for over a year without saying much to each other. I remember th...
6 years ago